1. I don't presume to speak for my son, but he's no dummy.
2. This was supposed to be short enough to print several copies, so I could "drop" a few in strategic locations around a nearby college campus. But you know me! Some days I just can't shut up. My husband thanks you in advance for your sympathy.
A letter to a future daughter-in-law, possibly my own:
A few years from now, you’re probably going to want to marry my son. Perhaps you already do; he’s kind of hot and his potential is quite obvious, if I do say so myself. He’s only 20, handsome and well-built, and when he lets his hair grow long, it’s thick and wavy. He has his father’s beautiful eyes, and my dimples look much better on him than they ever did on me. He’s also a U.S. Marine; he has finished his deployment and doesn’t expect to go overseas again, so he’s preparing to begin earning college credits. I don’t hover, so I’m not sure which major he’s chosen – engineering or actuarial science. He surfs, rides a motorcycle and a mountain bike, hikes, and maintains a classic car. Pretty much everybody likes him or loves him, and respects him. Girls hit on him regularly.
I’ll be surprised if he ever marries though. You see, his plan is to wait until he’s at least thirty, therefore he will spend the next decade meeting, dating, working with, and probably sleeping with, the product of 60 years of American feminism. I’m pretty sure he won’t find many women worth considering for marriage. How about we look at it from his perspective, m’kay? Here’s what he sees:
Half of you have been raised without your fathers, yet only a few of your fathers deserved to be kicked out of your lives; you were raised by the women who kicked your fathers out, and perhaps a string of stepdads and “uncles.” And those women, your mothers, taught you their values by example. Not an auspicious start. Most of the rest of you were raised by fathers who knew damn well that if they displeased your mothers, they too could be kicked out of your lives according to your mothers’ whims. They knew full well who had the REAL power in the family; they quietly accepted that “mother knows best.”
You were raised in a culture that permits, even encourages, women and girls to always push for more. Not necessarily to do more or earn more, but to demand more and to expect more. You were punished far less severely for your transgressions than were your male peers. Indeed your female peers egged you on to be even naughtier, and to be defiant about it. It’s Grrrl Power, after all! The boys of your acquaintance were expected to give in to your shenanigans and your shit tests, and those who didn’t were labeled “problem children” and medicated. A boy’s best bet was to shut up and grovel, and maybe win your approval. They sure weren’t allowed to go around offending the Special Snowflakes now, were they?
You were raised in a Disney Princess Culture, where every girl is entitled to her Prince Charming. And if she can’t find one, she has the Grrrl Power to kiss any old frog and transform him into a Prince. You were raised to be a slut, at least through your twenties. Go to College. Establish a Career. Don’t get married until your late twenties or early thirties, but DO NOT, under any circumstances, repress your sexuality. Your foremothers fought hard for your right to be promiscuous with no consequences; don’t you dare let their efforts go to waste. And since you’re not looking for a husband, there’s no need to sleep with only “good” men, is there? ‘Cuz badboyz are hawt! And nice guys are boring. Additionally, you have plenty of time to ride the best cocks you can find; thanks to modern medicine, you can get pregnant after menopause if you want, so there’s no hurry. You are expected to waste your youth and your beauty on hot guys who treat you like shit, then give your leftovers to the guy you’ll promise to love, honor and cherish for the rest of your life. Wow, how lucky is he!
My son looks around and he sees bitchy, arrogant, malicious women. He sees spoiled greedy women. He sees financially irresponsible women. He sees lazy undisciplined women. (Yes, even in the military; they had to lower the standards so more women could “serve.”) He sees overweight women wearing unflattering clothes that display muffin tops and rolls of fat, who drool over his biceps while telling him that “looks aren’t important.” He sees slutty women who dress to attract men, sleep with the “hot” ones, and denigrate the rest by calling them “creepy.” He sees “competitive” professional women, whose primary tool for getting ahead is the threat of sexual harassment lawsuits. He sees demanding women who expect men to bow and scrape for the privilege of a smile. He sees utterly irrational women whose “self-esteem ” is obscenely disproportionate to their proven worth. He sees women who expect romantic dates and expensive gifts, yet have absolutely nothing of value to contribute to a relationship. He sees women who flirt with their hopeful, geeky JustFriends, barely enough to keep them on a string while simultaneously panting after Alpha Hotties, then run crying back to those JustFriends after being pumped and dumped by said Hotties, “Oh, why can’t more men be nice like you?” (Answer: if they were, no woman would fuck them.)
Look around you ladies. You see the very same women, don’t you? Most of you are these women. You think this is normal and acceptable, because “everybody does it.” It’s not.
There’s something you should know about my son and his peers. They’re not gay, they’re not lazy, they’re not stupid, they’re not unambitious, and they’re not weak. They’ve merely figured you out. They know you don’t give a rat’s ass about them, and you see them as nothing but providers and fantasy sex objects. They are wise to the game and they’re done playing by your rules.
They have the same job titles as you and they take home the same pay, but they work longer hours and they do harder work; they know that their productivity is why employers can afford to hire you to sit at a desk and shuffle papers. They know that if two drunken people have sex and both regret it in the morning, only one of them is a “rapist.” They know that “My Body/My Choice” actually means"My Body/My Choice/Your Wallet." They know that the minute they sign a marriage license, everything they own is yours, but nothing you own is theirs (except your debts) and you can walk away with cash and prizes, at any time, for any reason. Or for no reason at all.
They’re calling Bullshit.
A few years from now, you’ll begin asking yourself, “Where have all the good men gone?” You’ll look down your noses at all those guys playing video games and living like frat boys in cheap apartments, and you’ll know that they could do “so much better” for themselves. You’ll shake your heads in wonder at their “immaturity,” or their “wasted potential.” Here’s a little secret. (Yep. A few men are immature and weak – they’ve had the masculinity abused or medicated out of them by their single mothers and grandmothers) but most of them?
They no longer give a rat’s ass about YOU.
That’s right. They don’t need to work hard and earn a good living. They have no intention of fathering and supporting any children, and no desire whatsoever earn your approval. You go buy your own four bedroom colonial in just the right subdivision! That’s what Grrrl Power is for, isn’t it? Many of these men will go so far as to quit their jobs as soon as they begin to “earn a good living.” They don’t want to earn enough money to pay taxes. They don’t want to pay the salaries of millions of useless (and mostly female) government employees, and they don’t want to pay for the personal choices of “Empowered Women.” They refuse to feed your Beast. And you, and your church, and your government can’t cajole them or shame them into giving a shit. Men are dropping out, Ladies. Chivalry has died of blunt force trauma, in a beatdown administered by Grrrl Power. Your mothers, your grandmothers, your schools, your family courts, your sociology professors, have all spent the last two generations telling men that they are unnecessary and unwelcome. And now they’re leaving. (Oh sure, they’ll be glad to fuck you while you’re young and hot, aaaand then they’ll move on to younger and hotter sluts.)
This is the gift that feminism has given to you – Independence. Scary, lonely, bitter, potentially impoverished Independence. For yourselves and for any children you may have. Most of you won’t blame feminism though; you’ll blame Male Privilege (which doesn’t exist.) You’ll blame The Patriarchy (which always gave women a far better deal than it gave men.) You will stamp your feet, flip your hair, and blame anything except the single cultural force that has devoted itself to suppressing and controlling masculinity. And you’ll go home alone every night to your cats, your Facebook Friends, and your vibrator. I sure hope that’s what you want.